Cold Open: Affordable Care Act Sketches: Airport, New Cast Member or Arcade Fire?, Cinema Classics, Manolo Blahnik Pretaped: Girls, E-Meth, Rick's Model T's

Cold Opening: VMAs Backstage Sketches: 50 Shades of Grey Auditions, Girlfriends Talk Show, We Did Stop, Piers Morgan Live, Cheer Squad, Mornin' Miami, Poetry Class, Miley Sex Tape

Cold Open: NASA Shutdown Sketches: Black Ops, The Ol' Barbershop, Boy Dance Party, The Lady Gaga Show, Armageddon, Centauri Vodka, Protective Son, Sigma Commercials: 24-hour Energy For Dating Actresses, E-meth

Cold Open: Obamacare Website Sketches: School Visit, Steve Harvey, Critter Control, Drug Deal, 12 Years Not a Slave, Ruth's Chris, Halloween Candy Commercials: Autumn's Eve Pumpkin Spice Douche, The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruder

Cold Open: Oval Office Sketches: Career Week, My Girl, How's He Doing?, Miss Universe Moscow 2013, Cartoon Catchphrase, Fall Carnival, Date or Diss, Ice Cream

Cold Open: Pier Morgan Live Sketches: Josie, Office Boss, Best Buy, Dancing, Bugs, Girlfriends Talk Show, Turkey Dinner Date, Matchbox 3 Musical Act: Haim

Cold Open: The Sound of Music Condensed Sketches: Bill Brasky, Dan Charles, The Lawrence Welk Show, Politics Nation, Divorce Meeting, Michalangelo's David, White Christmas, Santa's Elves, 28 Miles Away Musical Act: One Direction

Cold Open: Nelson Madela Funeral Sketches: Guy Fieri Holiday Special, Three Wise Guys, Shopping at H&M, Snowflakes Dance, Genevieve, Fire Safety, Hallmark Christmas Movies, The Christmas Whistle, Last Call Musical Act: Kings of Leon

Cold Open: Wrappinville Sketches: Celebrity Family Feud, The Barry Gibb Talk Show, Waking Up With Kimye, A Christmas Carol, It's Cold Outside Commercials: Now That's What I Call Christmas

Cold Open: Piers Morgan Tonight Sketches: Mazel Tov Aubrey, Hip Hop Classics: Before They Were Stars, Nancy Grace, New Years Resoultuion, Pajama Party, Indiana Jones Spectacular, Detention, Morning' Miami, I Know

Cold Open: Heterosexual figure skating Sketches: Adam Grossman, Couples Quiz, Sweetland Ranch, Dinner at the Boss' Pretaped: Hitmen, Me, Inside SoCal Commectial: Lamborghini Musical Act: Bastille

Cold Open: Halftime Spectacular Sketches: Women's Group, Guess That Phrase!, Art Exhibit, Girlfriends Talks Show, Summer of Diane Pretaped: CVS, Delaware 1 News Special Report, Super Champions Music: Imagine Dragons

Cold Open: Ellen Sketches: The Killer Files, Oscar Profile: 12 Years a Slave, Murder Mystery Dinner, Spotlightz: Acting Camp for Serious Kids!, Elevator Stink, Dwayne's Birthday Pretaped: Peter Pan, Bird Bible Music: Beck

Cold Open:Crimea Taken Sketches: Scandal, What's Poppin', What Are You Even doing? You're Being Crazy, Jewellery Patry, Pimpin' with Katt Williams Pretaped: Ooh Child, Girl Eve, Will Smith E-mails Music: The National

Cold Open: ObamaCare Website Sketches: Black Jeopardy, Baby CEO, Mr. Big Stuff, Doctor's Office, Detective Brock, Dave & Stacy Pretaped: Chris Fitzpatrick for Kentwood High School ASB President Sam Smith performs "Stay With Me" and "Lay Me Down".

Cold Open: Congressional Hearing Sketches: Fox & Friends, The Little Mermaid, Les Jeunes de Paris, Norfolk Zoo Field Trip, Big Joe, Twin Audition Pretaped: Dongs, Get More Groceries, NCAA Tourney Best of The White Guys

Cold Open: Coachella Music Festival Sketches: Just Say No, Helen at the Party, Blue River Dog Food, Only Once Engagement, Undercover Sharpton, Every Sperm Must Go! Pretaped: CNN Pregnancy Test, Monster Pals, A Very Smoky 420

Host Andrew Garfield; Coldplay perform.

Host Charlize Theron; The Black Keys perform.

Host Andy Samberg; St. Vincent performs.